now i know why i became what i already was.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
