actually, I'm a sock model
Pappa wants mamma naked
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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