I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
