I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You are the jesus of drinking
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
