He passed out mid-signature
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
