I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
