Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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