ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
