The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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