just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
