angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
