So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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