didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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