you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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