genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
