"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
