She's JV to your varsity
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
