I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
