good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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