Say something about gay babies.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
