I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
