So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
