I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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