She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
