Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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