I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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