I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
