from now on my penis is your penis
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
