im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
