I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
