its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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