Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The adults are the big ones right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
