Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
