i would punch a child for taco bell
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
