i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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