Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
