apparently the secret to your success is patron
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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