please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
