I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
