I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
