**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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