My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
