can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
