i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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