dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
