So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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