david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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