ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
