Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
