I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
