i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
