Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize