I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
