walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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