I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
