This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
