He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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