i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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