She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
