At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
