Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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