Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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