Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
