i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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