You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
