I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
