There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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