I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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