i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
