Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
