i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
