birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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