tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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